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Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Stalker Story-Headbanger

I seem to find this particular story very entertaining simply because I am not the Stalkee...my co-worker/best friend just happens to be the subject of this story.

So anyways K-we'll call her K because she is going to flip when she sees I've posted this. Anywho so K used to work at this video store in our town and this guy who is a few french fries short of a happy meal, who is also homeless and dirty, would come in and talk to her while she was at work. Words cannot adequately describe the way he looked. His face is always red and kinda lop sided, he has a HUGE knot on his head (which will be explained later), his hair is always greasy looking, his clothes always dirty, he always carried a beat up looking leather satchel carrying only heaven knows what, and he always wears this weird like 'poet' hat.

Well when K was not available to talk to him because she was busy w/ customers or whatever he would get so upset her would go outside and bang his head against the cement pillars outside. Hints the name: Headbanger. I mean that had to be somewhat painful. He would walk from the downtown shelter to where we live just to come tell her something stupid. One time he came to tell her a picture of a girl in the newspaper looked just like K...yeah not even a slight resemblance. Keeping in mind the driving time from where we work to the downtown shelter is at least a 40 minute DRIVE...muchless to walk it.

So K has been working at the office now for about 6 years. Somehow Headbanger figured out she was working at our office and started stopping by. Well I started working there about 3 years ago so the first time he came in you can only imagine what I was thinking. K was freakin out telling me to get rid of him. How he found her? We may never know.

So I have told Headbanger OVER and OVER and OVER again to stop coming by the office. Well he stops by every so often to see if im not there, hoping that someone else will let him in. Im the mean one remember!

So he stops by today, K was gone and it was just me. Our sprinkler is messed up so it sprays water all over our front door for about 15 minutes everyday around 2:30. You cannot walk in the door w/out getting soaked. So someone comes in today and I hear the door beep so I walk up to the window and guess who's there? Headbanger....soaking wet! He stands there and blankly tells me that we need to get a shield or something to keep people from getting wet. HEHEHE Then he turns around and walks out.

So Headbanger is also writing a book. We have read some of it, which is kinda- well Odd. But one day we are going to see ole Headbanger on Oprah talking about the million dollar book sale he just had and we are going to wish we'd let Headbanger talk to us! Is that not hilarious?

This is not a feel bad for him kinda story...its funny all around. You should see the letters he will write to her when I won't let him see her. It starts out normal and then half way thru its like a totally different person is writing the letter.

He has moved up in the world now. He lives in the back of a jiffy store down the street. I think he sweeps there or something. But his humble abode is all he needs to write his book.